Chopping Up Stereotypes

I've been mulling over this one since last Saturday because I'm not sure how to even approach the topics I want to communicate. The woodshop, for me, this week, was more about communicating and relationships. I guess that's not that much different than usual, but I found those things in a different way this time...

But how do I write about these things without offending someone? How do I make sure this is appropriate for my audience? How do I manage this "bull in a china shop" topic? Let's just do it. I'll try to be nimble.

I've been thinking about stereotypes. Perceptions. Breaking stereotypes. Changing perceptions.

So, I'm doing this wood shop thing. I'm hanging out with dudes who build stuff. I'm a 33 year old single girl. I love sports and can talk about the Browns and Cavs and hold my own.  I'm now building stuff out of wood. I asked for an electric sander for Christmas. What's the common stereotype here? I know you're thinking it. Or maybe you're not but I had to be sure I made it clear. "So, I like guys." I'm not sure if the woodshop guys were surprised or not. Why did I even feel like I needed to tell them that? 

Next, I'm white and have always lived in the suburbs. I went to a private grade school and now work in the district where I lived and attended high school. I never left the 'burbs. My parents paid for my undergrad degree. I wear a NorthFace fleece and own a Coach purse. What's your perception now? If you don't know my whole story or my parents' whole story, you might assume you know me now. You know this stereotype.

How about when I spend my money to go to the Cavs home opener? Browns season ticket holder? Special education teacher? Elementary school teacher? Any common stereotypes here? How about the guy spitting chew into a bottle that sat near me on the bus yesterday? 

Now the stereotypes that I often think of when I see other people who...

...wear stilleto heels to a sporting event?

...have dirt under their finger nails?

...don't read with their kids?

...smoke?

...don't show up for parent-teacher conferences?

...don't speak English?

...use poor grammar?

...are stay at home moms or dads?

...ride the bus?

...pay someone to do their yard work?

...have cats? 

...don't give 200% at work?

...don't read for fun?

...don't go to college?

...use android devices?

The theme of stereotypes continued through my extended conversations last week at Soulcraft when we ventured into the topic of the use of the "r word." I choose not to use that word because I believe that there's a negative connotation and it's hurtful to both people with special needs and their families. I often believe people who use that word are ignorant, thoughtless, careless, unkind...

The conversation was extensive and Peter and Jim helped me to realize that it's not about the word, it's about the stereotypes and perceptions behind the word; that it appears to me that using the "r word" is synonymous with the de-valuation of life if your IQ is lower than 72 or if you are not considered "neuro -typical." There's the perception that, if you are "retarded," in the DSM IV definition of the word, your life is somehow less meaningful than mine. 

Jim was surprised to know that 80% of babies conceived with Down syndrome are aborted. How about the woman who killed her child with autism and the people who justify it?

And who owns the "r word" anyways. People with an IQ below 72? Their family members? Their teachers and aides and tutors? Can anyone actually own a word? 

Do the words matter?

If the words don't matter, what's the first step in changing the perception? 

Out of My Mind by Sharon Draper

Last night, I finished reading Out of My Mind by Sharon Draper, a book recommended to me at least 3 times in the last month.

A summary and Q&A with the author can be found here.

As I sometimes do, I want to share my feelings about this book, as it pertains to special needs. 

First, I have to acknowledge that this book is fiction.  And I was caught in the first chapter by a spunky 11 year old who has cerebral palsy and has never spoken a word.  I love her.  I know her.  I talk to her every single day. And yet, she told me so much in this book that I didn't know, that I should've known.

Second, I was unaware that this book was written for "younger readers" as I was reading it on my Kindle.  How awesome.  What a great way for students to understand differences in their classmates!

As much as I liked this book and feel it's a great read and a great step in the process of getting kids and adults alike to accept others and their similarities and differences, there are some things I think are lacking.

The author uses words like "handicapped" and "retard."  I know this is jargon and can possibly help kids relate, but I would have liked to see more discussion of how the 'r-word' is misused and hurts both a person and a family.  Words matter.  And a larger dialogue about these words could've made a difference.

I also would've liked more information about what happens in "H-5."  Melody makes it seem as though she can do anything she wants, play around, watch movies, and have free time in H-5 with the other kids with special needs.  The teacher in H-5 is never represented as a real teacher, nor is he/she ever seen as responsible for Melody's education, IEP, communication, goals, social situations, inclusion classes, aide assistance, or anything else.  The H-5 teacher is simply present.  Doing what?

I often find that "normal kids" wonder what happens in "that" room.  It would've been nice to have more description of the teacher, the classroom, the other students, the education that can and does take place in the classrooms like H-5.

And where was the principal? The Speech Therapist?  The Physical Therapist?  The Occupational Therapist?  The School Psychologist?  Melody's private speech therapist? The county communication specialist?   How could they have gone so long without getting Melody a communication device?  Why would it have taken so long to get her into Inclusion classes?  And why in the world would any of the teachers let Claire and Molly speak to or about Melody in the ways they did? 

So, there again, while I feel like this is a great book and a great way for kids to relate to their classmates with special needs, I'm not sure the author, who has the most extensive and impressive biography I've read in a long time, really did her homework on special education.  This is not an accurate portrayal of life in a public school setting under PL94-142. 

Out of My Mind by Sharon Draper= 4 out of 5 stars.

House Rules by Jodi Picoult from a Teacher's Perspective...

Late last night I finished the book House Rules by Jodi Picoult.  As an Intervention Specialist who works with kids with moderate-intensive special needs (with the most common being autism currently), people have been asking me for weeks if I've read the book yet, if I've started it, if I've heard of it, what my thoughts are...

If I'd known then what I know now, I would've thrown down all the Twilight, Breaking Dawn, Chelsea Bang Bang books and headed right for my hard bound copy of the newest Jodi Picoult that was apparently burning a hole through my book shelf.

I knew two things about this book before reading it.  #1 The book is about a boy with Asperger's.  #2 Autism Speaks is a fan of both the book and the author.

I was skeptical, only because I know that often books or TV shows depicting kids with autism or Asperger's play on the stereotypes and the splinter skills and the kids who are prodigies or savants.  And not all kids with autism and Asperger's are savants.  In fact, of the kids I have ever known with autism or Asperger's, not one is a savant, or a prodigy.  They are all amazing and interesting and intriguing, and yet, none are the same.  None.  There's even a saying we have that says "If you've seen one kid with autism, you've seen ONE kid with autism."

I also wonder sometimes about Autism Speaks.  While I think they are doing AMAZING things and participate in the yearly Walk Now for Autism in Cleveland and donate regularly, I also wonder if they are on the wrong side of the argument, if any.  Do I subscribe to the "Cure Autism" side?  Or do I subscribe to the world where there are people with autism and people who are "neurotypical" and neither is bad or wrong and neither should be changed or fixed?  I straddle the fence on so many of the issues dealing with autism...

So again, I began this book, House Rules, with skepticism.

The book is set in a small town in Vermont, as told from the perspective of 5 different characters, Jacob, an 18 year old boy with Asperger's syndrome; Theo, Jacob's 15 year old brother; Emma, Jacob and Theo's mother; Rich, the Townsend, Vermont detective; and Oliver, a lawyer who is new to the small town.

Of all the fiction AND nonfiction books I've read about Asperger's, this may be the truest to life.  This book may have the best descriptions, show the best emotions, and tell the best "story" of Asperger's that I've ever been able to read.

And as a teacher, I can only know the story and the feelings from one perspective, and I am just so curious, all the time, about the other side, the parents' side.  And this book shed so much light on that side.

...while also telling a great story.  A controversial story.  A story that was, at times, a little hard for me to read.  It was hard to swallow.  It was a struggle to see some of these words on the pages.

One of the hardest parts of this book, for me, was the incessant use of the "R" word that also runs rampant in our society today.  This word, "retard," hurts me to the core.  This word that is so loosely thrown around is used by teenagers and by adults and by people who give no thought to what or whom they are referring.  And it hurts me.  And I always wonder, if a teacher can feel this actual pain, how does a parent feel?  A brother?  A grandmother?

This next part, that I'd like to quote from the book, seems to take a scene and actively describe the way society still feels about people with special needs.  This one simple scene in a book shows me that people like me still have so much work to do.

House Rules page 422- From the perspective of "Rich" the detective:
"The running joke among those of us sequestered for the trial involved the sensory break room.  If the defendant can get some special accommodations, why not the witnesses?  Me, I want a Chinese food take-out room.  I tell this to the DA when she comes to let me know that I'm testifying next...."
"... I'm only half kidding.  I mean, if the court was willing to bend over backward for Jacob Hunt's Asperger's syndrome, how long will it be before this is used as a precedent by some career criminal who insists that going to jail will inflame his claustrophobia?  I'm all for equality, but not when it erodes the system."

Hmph.  I almost can't put words to my feelings after reading that.

And then, later on, a paragraph that means everything to me~

House Rules page 482- Jacob is speaking in court-
"When I first got my diagnosis, my mother was relieved, because she saw it as something that would be helpful.  I mean, teachers don't look at kids who are reading eight grade levels above where they should be and doing complex mathematical proofs in third grade and think they need special help, even if they are being teased all the time.  The diagnosis helped me get an IEP, which was great, but it also changed things in a bad way." Jacob shrugs.  "I guess I expected it to be like this other girl in my grade who has a port-wine stain on half her face.  People go right up to her and ask about it, and she says it's a birthmark and that it doesn't hurt.  End of story.  No one ever asks if they can catch it like a virus, or doesn't want to play with her because of it.  But you tell someone you're autistic, and half the time they talk louder to you, like you might be deaf.  And the few things that I used to get credit for- like being smart, or having a really excellent memory- were all of a sudden just things that made me even more weird."  He was quiet for a moment, and then turns.  "I'm not autistic.  I have autism.  I also have brown hair and flat feet.  So, I don't understand why I'm always 'the kid with Asperger's.'"

It's clear that we've got so much work to do.  But maybe, just maybe, books like House Rules, are a great starting place for the general population who wouldn't ordinarily educate themselves on the intricacies of a syndrome that can change a family, a school, a community...

More resources:
Autism Speaks
Autism Speaks- Official Blog- Talking with Best Selling Author Jodi Picoult About House Rules
Spread the Word to End the Word
Autism Today
Kids Together, Inc.
Skill Building Buddies

Other great books about special needs in story format: 
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time by Mark Haddon
Road Map To Holland by Jennifer Graf Groneberg
Thinking in Pictures by Temple Grandin
Born on a Blue Day by Daniel Tammet